An End, A Beginning
by Zeren Jade
Summary: At Ostagar, Eliara Cousland tries to reconcile herself to the life she has lost and her task to follow the Grey Wardens.
1. Chapter 1

I felt myself slipping into consciousness and tried to fight it. If I could sleep just a bit longer I wouldn't have to remember the things I had gone to bed to forget. But it started coming back—everything. Forcing the sleep from my mind, the pain flooded back in. My head hurt as well, try as I had the tears still came to wash over me and carry me into a fitful sleep.

Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. The first light was coming over the eastern horizon, but certainly not enough light to face the memories I was trying to quell. They came anyway, with no pity for my already heavy heart.

"_Just like old times," he had said to my father. _Mere hours before he, Arl Howe, betrayed my father and our entire family.

_It was an unusually hectic, and melancholy, day at Highever. Preparations were being made for my father, Teyrn Bryce Cousland, and brother, Fergus, to join the king's battle against the darkspawn. I had just learned I was to remain behind—in charge of the castle, but behind nonetheless. All over the castle there was an air of urgency but I couldn't feel part of it. In fact, I had just finished up a standard chore of mine, tearing my mabari hound out of trouble. I had been making my way around the grounds for a while, watching the men assemble what they needed for their mission. I instinctively made my way over to the sparring yard, as much to kill time as to take out my frustration._

I tried to force the memories back into the recesses of my mind. But the anger that resurfaced shook the last remnant of sleep from my eyes and body; I could not sit still and think of that man. Quietly, I got up and walked out of my tent. Looking around my eyes took in the camp I had been living in for two days. Soldiers, mages, Grey Wardens, even the king of Ferelden himself was here.

_The weight of my sword and the familiarity of the strokes calmed me more than anything else. The upcoming battle and my task to remain at Highever drifted below the surface. I closed my eyes and ran through the moves by feel, never missing my mark._

_ "Your skill has not been praised mistakenly," said someone behind me, breaking my focus. I turned around to see a man I did not know standing near the gate. He was tall and dark, in armor with intricate designs. _

_ "My thanks, ser," I replied. _Although, I fail to see what good it does here_, I wanted to add. _

_ "We have not yet been introduced," he replied. "My name is Duncan, of the Grey Wardens."_

_ "My apologies," I said quickly. I had heard of the Warden's arrival, but had not yet seen him. "It is an honor, my name is Eliara Cousland. But I believe you knew that," I laughed._

_ "Yes, your father did mention that," he smiled._

"_Is it true you're here looking for recruits?" I asked._

_ "In a time such as this, that thought is never far from my mind," he said. "If you refer to yourself, however, your father has already expressed his opinion of that," he continued somewhat dryly. _

_ "Yes, I imagine he did," was my slightly bitter reply. "It seems I am to have no part in anything," I went on, surprised to hear my own voice making such a comment to this man._

_ "He feels you your first obligation is here, and I will not argue with the Teyrn about that." _

_I nodded my assent. I knew he was right, but that thought was hardly enough to outweigh my frustration. _

"_I shall leave you to your practice now," Duncan said calmly and headed back towards the main hall. _

_Ever since I had heard of the Grey Warden's arrival I had been intrigued—no different from anyone else who grew up hearing stories of their remarkable deeds, I suppose. But if my father had already told Duncan that he wished me not to join them, did that mean Duncan had been considering it? _

_The sword in my hand seemed to have gotten heavier; my brief calm was broken. I should not be forced to remain here, I thought angrily. Or to be denied to make my own decision about the Grey Wardens. I knew why my father had charged me with remaining at Highever, but I could see no reason why I should be forced to keep away from the battle. I had just as much a stake in the outcome of the battle as my father and brother, did I not?_

The sky was growing lighter above Ostagar and the guards watched me passing by. I was heading toward the ruins. I don't know why—perhaps because they had seen longer years and greater tragedies than mine; maybe I thought they would comfort me. Or, at least, they would not pity me.

_I found my father in the main hall, with Duncan. "Ah, pup. You're here, just in time," he said smiling. "First though, I would like to introduce you to Duncan. He is a member of the Grey Wardens and arrived earlier this morning."_

_ "'Tis an honor, ser," I said, as if I'd never met him_

_ "Your father speaks highly of you," Duncan replied. _

_ "After your brother and I leave, I trust you shall see Duncan has all he needs for his stay," said my father._

_ "Of course," I replied._

_ "Good. Now, I wanted to see you because I need you to find your brother. Arl Howe's men have apparently been delayed. I shall wait for morning when they shall arrive. Your brother, however, is to go ahead of me tonight. I need you to inform him."_

_ "I shall find him immediately," I said, surprised he had me summoned just for this simple task. So, off I went to "search" out my brother, as if there was any question as to where he'd be._

_ As I walked away I heard Duncan say something low to my father. I stopped just outside the doorway to hear his reply. "…unless you mean to invoke the Right of Conscription."_

_ "No, I merely wondered if you had, or would reconsider," replied Duncan._

_ My father waited a moment to respond. "I'm sorry, Duncan. But I cannot see both my children off to war." _

_ I briskly walked down the hall, trying to force away my disappointment. As much as I wanted to go, I would be left behind at Highever._

What a fool I thought myself now. I got what I wanted. Here I was at Ostagar, the battle was quickly approaching, and I was to be a Grey Warden. But at an unbearable cost.

_That night I saw Highever in flames. Servants and guards whose names I knew lay dead or dying in our halls. I remember my shock as I left my room and saw Arl Howe's crest on the invading soldiers' armor. The same man who swore friendship to my father that same day. _

_My mother and I managed to make our way past Howe's soldiers, but the tragedy that met us was far worse. My father lay dying. Duncan came, saying he would help me escape. But they wouldn't leave—my parents were left behind._

And here I was. The tears stung my eyes. The full force of the betrayal was eating away at my heart. I knew the life I had led was over. As surely as if I had been killed at Highever. In my hand I held my family's ancient sword. The last thing I had to remind me of who I had been.


	2. New Faces

**Chapter 2 -New Faces**

After reaching the camp at Ostagar, Duncan informed me that there would be a test for the new recruits. As soon as possible due to the battle. He headed into the camp to take care of other matters, leaving me with the task to find another Grey Warden, named Alistair.

I let her mind wander to whatever I saw around me—the soldiers preparing for battle, the mages in the midst of their enchantment, anything. I had decided that the only way to go on was to forget everything behind me. Who I was, where I came from, and what brought me here were best considered part of another life.

I headed farther into the camp, with no idea who exactly I was looking for. Because of that, by the time I found Alistair I was acquainted with the majority of the camp, including the other recruits, Daveth and Jory.

One meeting in particular stands out from that day. In the mages' area of the camp I met a woman standing some ways off to herself. He hair was gray but just looking at her you could see the strength and resilience that brought her to Ostagar. I was passing by when she stopped me.

"You are Duncan's new recruit, are you not?" she asked.

"I am, how did you know?" I queried back, surprised that this woman took any notice of me.

"News of a woman joining the Grey Wardens is rather, intriguing," she smiled, her eyes kind. "And such news travels fast in a camp like this. But never mind that, allow me to introduce myself, my name is Wynne. I am one of the mages sent to aid in the battle."

I introduced myself and we continued on our business. It was a chance meeting, I was not to know how closely our paths were to lead.

I don't remember exactly what I was expecting as I searched for Alistair, perhaps someone more like Duncan, stern and somber. I realized immediately how wrong that expectation was, when I found him provoking a clearly vexed mage.

"Should I have asked the Revered Mother for a note?" Alistair asked him.

I couldn't hear the mage's muttered response but he stormed off, heading back into the camp. Alistair shrugged, and turned to me.

"You're Alistair?" I asked.

"Yes, unless of course, you're another mage. If you are, then I've never heard of this 'Alistair.'"

"No, you don't have to worry about that, no more mages here," I replied, amused in spite of myself.

"Oh, good. I was worried there for a moment," he said.

"Actually, Duncan sent me to find you. I'm Eliara, the other recruit"

He was clearly surprised, "My apologies, I should have known. Duncan sent word that you were coming. I didn't know what to expect when he said you were a woman—not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just, well, there aren't many women in the Grey Wardens, and I didn't know what to expect," he rambled on.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to find a Grey Warden harassing a mage," I replied, nearly keeping a straight face.

"Harassing? I have no idea what you're talking about," he protested, laughing. "Point taken, anyway. I suppose with you here then everything's ready. Duncan will want the test to begin soon."


End file.
